Mentoring Moment: 20 Accountability Questions for the Christian Walk

One of the benefits of a mentor-mentee relationship is to hold one another accountable in their Christian walk.   Navigating daily life is challenging to say the least.  There are land mines of every type and temptations around every corner.  For the Christian desiring to lead a godly life the challenges are extraordinary given the standard by which we desire to live is God’s standards as prescribed in His Word.  

God’s ways and the world’s ways are clearly different, but never the less Christians’ must function and be salt and light in the dark world they live and work each day.   In order not to be overcome by the world’s values it is critical to have an accountability partner who will help keep us on track in our spiritual walk, moral behavior, dealings with temptations, and overall ensure our integrity and Christian testimony is maintained in tack.

The Bible is clear that a man left on his own will deceive himself with regard to His own perceived righteousness.  Only God weighs the heart (Prov. 21:2).  Therefore it is vital that God’s Word be the standard for all our conduct and our true “accountability guide”(Heb. 4:12-13).   God’s Word also states that as “iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend (Prov. 27:17).   Therefore knowing that we are prone to deceive ourselves God has helped us see that others can be of enormous value in helping keep us sharp and alert in our Christian walk.

The Bible says that a good name is of greater value than riches and will find favor and blessings from the Lord. (Prov. 22:1) To have a good name we must walk in our integrity and lead a righteous life (Prov 20:7) which the Bible says is more acceptable than sacrifice(Prov. 21:3).  In order words God expects us to do what is right and just and that the sacrifices we present to God are not offered with sin-stained hands.   The calling is clear, it is God’s will our sanctification (setting us apart unto holiness -1 Thess. 4:3,7) so that our lives are not conformed to former ways and lusts but we are called to be holy in all our conduct (1 Peter 1:14-15).

How do we then help each other maintain accountability for our conduct, Christian testimony and growth in our faith?   One component in this broad area is to regularly ask questions which are designed to probe the spirit and encourage proactive right behavior, accountability to God’s Word, repentance, and affirm God’s work in the life being challenged.  These questions are not designed to produce unnecessary guilt but stimulate discussion and encourage.

Here are 20 question categories you might begin with and then add to the list as led:

1. What are the greatest challenges you have been experiencing?  What are the greatest joys?
2. How has your walk with God been since we last met?  Have you been experiencing the abundant life, experiencing His presence, drawing on His wisdom and strength?
3. Have you been spending consistent time with God on a regular basis in prayer and Bible reading/study?  What have you gained in this time?  How is God speaking to you?  What are you reading and studying in addition to your quiet time that is deepening your relationship with God?
4. In what ways have you stepped out in faith since we last met; given your testimony; sensed God’s activity in your life?
5. What has been your greatest disappointment since we last met?  How have you handled this?
6. Is there any hatred, bitterness, spite, resentment, or unforgiveness in your heart toward another person?  Have you gossiped about any person or situation?
7. How have you managed your tongue?  Have you been sharp, unkind, or said things you should not have said to anyone? Have you used language that is inappropriate (swearing, laughing at inappropriate jokes)?  Have you compromised your integrity in any way by your speech?
8. How have you served others since we last met?  What were your motives and attitudes when serving?
9. Have you procrastinated on important things in your daily life and spiritual walk that should not be put off?
10. Are you spending too much time at work or in other activities at the expense of family, others, and your spiritual life?
11. Have you been spending good quantity and quality time with your spouse, children, mother or father?  What have you done since we last met to enhance relationships?  Are you praying together?
12.  Are you giving to the Lord’s work financially?  Have you misused your finances by buying things you don’t need at the expense of your tithe and other responsibilities?
13. Have you spent time with or talked with anybody that could have been misinterpreted as something unholy?  Have you endeavored to avoid the appearance of evil?
14. Have you accessed internet sites, watched movies or television which is inappropriate that would have grieved the Spirit, had a negative impact on someone else, detracted from your testimony or hindered your spiritual walk?
15. Have you committed any sexual sin? Have you had improper thoughts about the opposite sex?  Has your thought life been pure?  Are you wrestling with any sexual sin temptation?  Have you put yourself in an awkward situation with the opposite sex?
16. Have you used or abused any substance as an escape instead of casting all your cares upon the Lord (cigarettes, food, alcohol, drugs, excessive caffeine, etc.)?
17. Are you taking time to exercise your body and eat the proper foods?  Are your eating habits healthy?  Are you taking time for rest and relaxation?  Is there excessive stress in your life and how are you handling?
18. Is there anything you are hiding or something else you need to be accountable for which I did not ask you?
19. Overall does the external you and the internal you match?  Are you leading with your life?
20. What is your number one need in the coming week and how can I pray for you?

Yes, these are tough questions as they should be.  Those who desire to lead holy lives as commanded in Scripture will quickly desire to be held accountable to godly biblical standards.   Our desire should be to do all we can to be pleasing to the Lord and become more conformed to the character of Jesus Christ.  Peter gives a series of actions which we should earnestly pursue with all diligence for fruitful growth in the faith and to keep ourselves from stumbling:

2 Peter 1:5-11
⁵But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, 
⁶to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, 
⁷to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. 
⁸For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 
⁹For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins.
¹⁰Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent to make your call and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble; 
¹¹for so an entrance will be supplied to you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Prayer:  Lord may you provide me with an accountability partner that can place in front of me your standards so that I might lead a life pleasing to you with a heart and testimony which is true to your Word.  Lord by your Spirit convict my spirit moment by moment to any sense of sin in my life that I might not sin against you and should I stumble be convicted to immediately confess, repent, and be cleansed. Lord I pray there is never anything in my life that would be between you and me.   May you crush my pride so that I am not deceived by my own thoughts, wisdom, and self-centeredness into a life style absent your favor, blessings, wisdom, and guidance!  May I lead with my life centered in Christ each day for the honor and glory of the kingdom.

Mentoring Moment: 10 benefits of having a spiritual mentor

Proverbs 27:17
¹⁷    As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
⁹    Two are better than one,      Because they have a good reward for their labor.
¹⁰    For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.     But woe to him who is alone when he falls,     For he has no one to help him up.

Every Christian needs a spiritual mentor.  Each benefit and are stronger together.  The question is whether or not we will reach out and seek the counsel and guidance of a mentor.  Yes, the benefits are invaluable and provide a lifeline in the sea of life that has far too many storms.  But perhaps you are wondering what some of the key benefits might be of such a relationship.   Is it worth it?

While certainly not all inclusive the following is a short list of key benefits from establishing a relationship with a spiritual mentor:

1. Someone to believe in you:  everyone desires affirmation.  A mentor is someone who believes in you even when understanding all the clutter and imperfections in your life.  Someone who will listen carefully to your passions, dreams, goals, hang-ups, and immature ideas and provide caring objective input you can trust which takes into account their sense of how God is working in your life. (Barnabas and John MarkActs 15:36-39; 2 Tim 4:11)
2.  Provides a role model:  a mentor has a tall order to fill by presenting themselves as a role model that is not only in talk but in walk.  Spiritually this means that they “lead with their life” as commanded by Scripture where it is evident they are led by the Holy Spirit and present a godly role model of Christ-like behavior to those they mentor.  Seeing a godly life lived out is an invaluable benefit. (Paul 1 Cor. 11:1)
3.  Promotes spiritual growth:  spiritual mentors are by definition to help others develop a solid pattern of spiritual discipline in their lives which helps deepen their personal relationship with God, help them to grow in the image of Christ, and prepare them to become most usable for the kingdom.  This activity includes formal and informal Bible study, directed reading, training in the Christian disciplines (quiet time, bible reading, prayer, etc.), helping to determine spiritual gifts and ministry direction.   The spiritual life patterns established early on in this relationship are designed to benefit those mentored a lifetime. (Paul Phil 3:13)
4.  Provides accountability:  today’s cultural environment provides many land mines and diversions.  It is not difficult for the enemy to attempt to derail someone who earnestly desires to deepen their relationship with God.  Consequently having a mentor accountability partner is an invaluable benefit for asking tough questions, heading off danger, and derailing diversions. Samuel and Saul (1 Sam. 9-15)
5. Is an Encourager:  the “me” generation of today does not widely promote the notion of encouragement to others.  While the Bible is clear that we should look out for the needs of others we often fail in our follow through.  Mentees benefit from proactive encouragement from their mentors, who understand the power and value of this critical motivator. (Barnabas and Paul Acts 4:36-37; 9:26-30; 11:22-30)
6.  Available in times of crisis:  the Bible is clear that we will experience trials in our lives.  We don’t know when, their nature, duration or depth but they will come.  Mentors provide a tremendous benefit to those mentored as they experience trials in their lives.  Mentors help mentees understand God’s ways and purposes in difficult times; provide counsel and help to navigate through times of crisis; and provide comfort and stability from a trusted relationship. (Paul and Silas Acts 16)
7. Helps establish and achieve goals: mentors provide valuable advice and objective input as personal and spiritual goals are thought through and established.  Once established mentors can then help to monitor, suggest adjustments, and counsel along the way as needed.  The real benefit in these areas is helping ensure that the balance of personal and spiritual goals is appropriate, e.g. keeping God as the central focus and priority, ensuring that the mentees spiritual growth pattern is not disrupted by other pursuits. (Paul and Timothy 1 & 2 Timothy)
8.  Provide trusted counsel in life decisions:  mentors provide invaluable benefit for providing counsel in major life decisions given the depth of knowledge and relationship developed with the mentee.  Some of these decisions come quickly and others may be prepared for.   Regardless of the urgency having a trusted objective advocate for weighing major life decisions is extremely valuable (Paul and Titus – Titus)
9.  Benefits other relationships in your life:  As mentees grow in their faith and pursuit of a godly Christ-like life virtually every other relationship they have will be positively impacted.  Friends, family, co-workers, employees, etc. will all see a changed life.  This changed life has the potential to heal relationships, draw others to Christ, and influence others toward a similar experience.  (Gal. 5:23-24)
10. Provides an opportunity to give back: Yes, changed lives draw others to themselves as they see the Spirit of God at work and will establish the groundwork for the mentee to potentially become a mentor to others as God leads.  God’s great commission for our lives is to make disciples.   Becoming a mentor is a response to this command and the benefit to others cannot be measured in human terms, only from an eternity perspective.   The true opportunity to give back and invest in the kingdom is the investing in the lives of others.  (Matt 28:19)

Mentoring relationships take various forms.  Those most familiar is a senior to a junior.  However, peer on peer mentoring is also a viable approach.  I encourage an open mind allowing God to lead.  He is perfect in His wisdom and will bring the people together that He desires in a mentor-mentee relationship.   Trust Him and be alert to God’s activity.  Is he speaking to you that you need a mentor?  Has He introduced you to new people that you immediately sparked to which appear to be godly?  Do you have issues, decisions, uncertainties in your life that are crying out for counsel?  Whatever the circumstances God is at work around you and will make it clear whose paths cross for mentoring purposes.  The benefits are priceless.  Be alert and respond immediately.  Don’t wait!

Mentoring Moment: 10 Questions you need to ask as you consider becoming a mentor

Spiritual leadership and mentoring are closely aligned.  One thing they have in common is an underlying reality that “We can’t take someone where we have not been”.   This is particularly critical in God’s economy given God’s ways are not man’s ways (Is 55:8-9). But don’t be discouraged if you feel suddenly uncertain and perhaps a little unprepared.    Let’s look at some questions someone might ask who sense God’s calling to be a spiritual mentor.

First God knows whose paths to bring together for a mentor and mentee relationship.  If we are sensitive to God’s activity in our lives we will be well aware of those we come in contact with and if God is purposing this encounter for a specific reason.   Our task is to be prepared to respond to God’s leading.   Here are some potential questions that you might reflect on as you consider God’s leading and preparation for becoming a spiritual mentor:

1. Have you been in or are you in a mentor-mentee relationship yourself and benefited?
2. Have you experienced an extended period of consistent spiritual growth?
3. Have you established a strong pattern of spiritual discipline in your life?
4. Does your life speak of your walk with God and not just your talk?
5. Have you sensed God speaking to you regarding His desire for you to be a mentor?
6. Has God brought specific people in your life with a desire to grow in their relationship with God?
7. Are you willing to adjust your personal priorities to the time required to invest in others?
8. Spiritual leaders/mentors are learners, are you willing to continue to learn as you mentor?
9. If you are married, does your spouse support this calling?
10. Do you desire more than anything to lead a holy surrendered life to the Lord Jesus Christ?

The idea of being a spiritual mentor does not mean we are perfect, need a degree in theology, or have an extraordinary list of life experiences.  What it does mean is that we are men and women that have experienced God in our lives in such a way that God has the opportunity to use our relationship with Him to point others in that direction.   

Paul said imitate me as I imitate Christ and follow my example and so walk in the pattern I have given you.  Spiritual mentors have a high calling.  They are to set an example and pattern in their lives which imitates Christ.   Is this the current pattern you endeavor to live?

1 Corinthians 11:1
¹Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ.

Philippians 3:17
¹⁷Brethren, join in following my example, and note those who so walk, as you have us for a pattern. 

In my experience if you ever feel fully prepared to be a spiritual mentor you are not ready to be one.  Spiritual mentors are those who humbly assume the responsibility God has given them to help lead others into a deeper relationship with Him.  They know that it is a calling fully empowered by the Holy Spirit who gives wisdom and discernment in this journey.  It is not a journey primarily empowered by human wisdom and experience while God may use these skills in the process.

Further “Iron sharpens Iron”(Proverbs 27:17) and while there is a defined mentor and mentee relationship both benefit enormously from the relationship as God works in each life to develop character and serve His purposes.  

Clearly one of the most urgent needs of God’s people today is the need for spiritual mentors. Life on life relationships which help build a sure foundaton and growing relationship with God.

I encourage you to prayerfully consider this calling and be willing to pay the price for Christ’s sake.   The rewards are extraordinary.  Perhaps Paul’s prayer to the Colossians sums up the goals of spiritual mentoring best.

Colossians 1:9-11
⁹For this reason we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; 
¹⁰that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; 
¹¹strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy; 

Mentoring Moment: Choosing to be a mentor places you in good company!

God’s Word provides a wide range of mentoring relationship examples.  Each provides unique aspects of how mentoring can be used as a major influence in the lives of others.  Mentors invest their time, talents, experience, energy and resources to encourage, enlighten, teach, and provide godly wisdom in a one-on-one relationship which is Christ centered and kingdom focused.

The whole idea around spiritual mentoring is to invest one’s life in another for the purpose of helping them develop life patterns which foster an ever deepening personal relationship with God.   The mentor uses a wide range of approaches in this process including formal and informal Bible teaching, life sharing, counseling, and training in the spiritual disciplines, directed reading and ministry assignments.   As the individual being mentored grows then they in turn can begin to mentor others as they have been mentored multiplying the process.

The following are some brief biblical mentoring examples and their influence:

Delegation: Jetho and Moses (Exodus 18) – Jethro taught Moses the invaluable lesson of delegation

Leadership: Moses and Joshua (Deut. 31:1-8, 34:9) – Moses prepared Joshua to lead Israel into the promised land

Character: Samuel and Saul (1 Samuel 9-15) – Samuel tried to shape Saul’s character even when he rebelled, trying to get Saul to repent and return to God

Successor:  Elijah and Elisha (1 Kings 19:16-21;2 Kings 2:1-16; 3:11) Elijah taught Elisha the ways of God by example and tutoring for Elisha to succeed him, while Elisha ministered to Elijah

Godliness: Jehoiada and Joash (2 Chron. 24:1-25) Jehoiada trained Joash from a youth to rule in the ways of godliness.   Unfortunately Joash fell away from these practices when his mentor died.

Relationships: Barnabas and Saul (Acts 4:36-37; 9:26-30; 11:22-30) Barnabas encouraged Saul/Paul by opening up relationships with other Christians after his conversion

Tutor: Pricilla and Aquila and Apollos (Acts 18:1-3, 24-28) Pricilla and Aquila tutored Apollos in the faith in areas he was not aware and he went on to be a great evangelist

Confidence: Barnabas and John Mark (Acts 15:36-39;2 Tim 4:11) Barnabas was willing to disagree with Paul and take John Mark on a missionary journey after John Mark had abandoned the team on an earlier journey.  Barnabas believed in John Mark and was willing to train and encourage him building his confidence in ministry.

Protégé: Paul and Timothy (Acts 16:1-3;Phil 2:19-23; 1 & 2 Timothy Paul saw God at work in Timothy and took him on one of his missionary journey’s, used him extensively to encourage the churches and eventually Timothy became the pastor of the church in Ephesus. 

Similarly Paul and Titus (2 Cor. 7:6, 13-15. 8:17; Titus) had a mentoring relationship where Titus was a traveling companion and later became a pastor and the first bishop of the island of Crete.

Throughout God’s Word life-on-life mentoring relationships have played a key role in preparing God’s people to become most usable as they join Him in redeeming a lost world.  In the New Testament, in particular, in the early church you can envision hundreds of small groups forming with leaders like Stephen, Phillip, and others mentoring new small group leaders as the church grew exponentially.  The opposite would be true as well – without strong mature mentors, willing to invest in others,  the ability to influence the world for Christ is significantly restrained.  The church today could take lessons from the early church regarding the spiritual development of its people through intentional mentoring relationships in order to maximize kingdom impact.  Seems to be a no-brainer!

Ask yourself:

Do you have a mentor or are you a mentor?  If not, what are you waiting for?  I encourage you to step out and seek a mentor or become a mentor today.  You are in good company if you do!